I am likely the only person in the history of the world to openly admit in a customer service interview that I don’t like talking on the phone. But I definitely did; because it’s true.
The position wasn’t appealing to me for that reason in addition to a myriad of complicated reasons (not the least of which being that the hiring company is among the fiercest competitors to my dad’s company. Our very small, family-owned & operated company). My stomach is still in knots.
The thing is, I’ve been sitting–ok, let’s be real, sulking–in a season of waiting, for a long time. Seven years–seven. A significant Biblical number of completion. Somehow, as each year has passed, it’s felt wasted, as I’ve impatiently sought patience while waiting.
In the least, the passing time has offered plenty opportunities to ask the question that remains: what was I waiting for?
My pat answer was always: “God.” I was waiting on God. I knew He was faithful and that His plan was best. So all I had to do was wait, right? I waited. I prayed, “God, have Your way. Prepare my heart for what You will do in my life.” It sounded right. But why did I still feel so stuck?
The thing I didn’t really consider in all those years of inviting God to have His way was that it might require me to do something.
Logic dictates that if you delegate decision-making to someone else, it frees you from the responsibility that the decision incurs. Plus, it worked for me, seeing as I had no idea what to do.
As I have prayed about it in the past year, God has been prompting me to act; to move forward, despite the fact that I had no idea where to go.
Now, please understand, I am a planner. Regardless of whether or not I am working as a teacher, I will always be a teacher. As such, it’s been ingrained in me both by theory and practice that survival depends on your ability to plan. By default, I have at least 3 back-up plans at all times. My car serves as an oversized emergency kit stocked with everything from bandaids to bungee cords because hey, you never know. (Go ahead and laugh but both have been called into use in the past year alone!) I’m not saying being prepared is a bad thing but it does stand to make faith problematic. Because why in the world would I act on or live by faith if I don’t need it?
But boy do I need it. Because without it, I’m stuck. Wasting time waiting on God, Who’s waiting on me.
So here I am. Moving forward.
The short version of the story involves a temp agency, an interview, and a job offer in the same week. And plenty of questioning. It still doesn’t feel right to abandon the career I’ve invested so much in, the career that I have identified myself by, others have expected me to fill; or to fill a position in a company that I never would have considered. But when did God ever command anybody to do anything that felt natural to them?
In all of this, getting unstuck while feeling uncertain, I think I’m learning what faith really is. Not bracing yourself while waiting on God to move, but to move yourself at His prompting in the direction right in front of you. Even if that happens to be a desk with a phone at a company that you never in a million years would have chosen. Just keep moving forward.
Have Your way, God. Have Your way.