I’m not really sure why the song “Jesus Loves Me” is branded as a children’s song. Maybe because it’s recognized as a Truth essential to instill early.
Because even after a lifetime of Sundays, life hasn’t held back opportunities to test that strength.
Even when I realized that I’ve been testing the wrong one.
I’ve always been good at putting on a brave face. Fiercely protective of the ones I love, I felt the need to “be strong” and bury my emotion to avoid adding to theirs. I would encourage them to hold onto the promises and strength of God. I would pray that God would give them the ability to do so. I assumed that when life got hard, I would do the same.
But when tragedy hit home for me, my reaction was to fall back to my default settings.
My heart broke. The brave face came out.
I hid my tears. I thought I was strong…
…until my strength bottomed out.
I cried and cried, crumbling into the ache of desperation.
My prayers were interrupted with the taunting list of “why”s and “what if”s.
I felt so ashamed of my own weakness.
Of my inability to do a blessed thing about it.
That’s when I would get a text message.
I’ve never been so grateful that God gave us friends. (Or modern-day technology that allows us to communicate when we don’t have the air to speak.)
My fingers fumbled across the keys as I admitted my heart to a precious friend:
I’m ashamed of my fear. My anger—and doubt. But my faith is so fragile; it’s never been tested so fiercely before.
The words of her response still echo across the dark places in my heart:
I do not think your faith is fragile because it is in the One who is unshakeable.
It is the object of, not the source of, faith that determines its strength.
There is a peace to be had when you really feel the truth of that statement.
A peace we could never experience when we’re comfortable.
That might mean that you’ll find tears in my eyes some days. But that’s just the emotion that pokes through the holes in my own weakness. Reminders of my need for the one who is stronger. Unshakeable.
Jesus loves me
This I know
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak
But He is strong.
Strongest at my weakest, in fact.
My life has told me so.